First, let me start off with a warning: This post is going to have some talk about sexual assault and the like. If you might be sensitive to that stuff, you may want to skip the sections marked with a ~.
So, body positivity? Strong stuff, am I right? But some of you feel like it doesn’t mean anything if nobody loves you. Well, while that isn’t quite true, I feel you. I really do. So let’s touch on love, shall we?
Love. We all want to feel loved, feel important to someone. Some of us, such as myself, have too much love to give to just one person. But, maybe I am getting ahead of myself. Some of us crave love so much that we will hop on the first attachment we have. I want to warn you now that this isn’t always the best thing. Let me explain why.
You may find out that your family and friends no longer love you, which can be quite tough. One of the toughest moments of your life may be when you come out and you have a family that decides they don’t love you anymore. In many cases, cutting ties is your best course of action, only to come back and attempt to mend bridges years down the road. But that isn’t necessary. One of the best things you can do is to cut those toxic people out for good, build a new family full of love.
You may encounter “chasers”. The sort of people who view trans people as exotic sex objects. The kind of people that will tell you that “nobody else will love someone like you”. I assure you this isn’t true. You don’t need to be somebody’s trophy to be valid, as you already are.
~You may have a partner that forces you into situations that require you to do things against your consent. They may tell you the same thing, that you are unworthy of love by anyone else, so you stay quiet and endure the abuse because you just want to feel loved and you are afraid you will never be loved again. Again, this isn’t true!
~On that last bit: I’ve lived it. I had a partner a few years back that used me while I was sleeping or on flu medicine or maybe even after a few drinks. She would brag about it to my friends and family, but I played along because what were my chances of finding someone else who would support me? Sure, I woke up a few times to being assaulted, powerless to stop it, but it was worth it for the love, right? The mental scars, the nightmares, the breakdowns, reliving the memories over and over again with no power to stop them. Was it really worth it? In short, no. I let this person into my life and gave over control of my financial independence. I have been rebuilding my life ever since the breakup, occasionally I still have to deal with the fallout. I have heard of people saying I deserved what happened, that I was just as guilty. I’ve internalized these feelings, even though they aren’t true. If this ever happens to you, for whatever reason, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. You are not to blame for your abuse.
Anyways, love. You don’t need to give up your freedom and independence for a relationship of any sort. Not family, friends, or something more intimate. Do not let someone tell you how need to behave in order to feel wanted. Be yourself, let people love you for you. Nothing less than that should be acceptable. And love your friends the same way.
And remember, I love you.